I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
