It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
