apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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