dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
