I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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