She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
whose parrot is this?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
