I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
