So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
