I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
