Don't make out with my wife yet
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
