Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
