Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
