I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize