I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
jump out the window naked night went bad
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