If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
