I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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