He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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