is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
