It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
