i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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