He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
