I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
