I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
