Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize