I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
