uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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