Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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