forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
