The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
