He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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