I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
