Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
