help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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