Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize