I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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