UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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