Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't turn off my feet"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
