He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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