im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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