i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
