plz talk dirty to me
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
