At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize