Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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