Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
