Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
