I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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