Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
