I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
