Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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