Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
North Korea, Best Korea!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Vodka?
Forever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
