I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
