Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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