how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
