I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize