the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
