hotel room ftw
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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