I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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