At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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