We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
