Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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