you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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