That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize