I bet he comes in French.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
