We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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