I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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