3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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