I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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