I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
