Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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